What Is the Experience of Homosexuality in Old Age?

I have experienced darkness, and now I cherish it.

I used to think that I was destined to be with my predecessor all my life, but I didn't realize that it was just an accident. Now 40 years old, but live with my predecessor was 13 years ago,he is still unmarried, living the life he wants, or since the breakup, his life has been colorful, and I...

I used to think I was GAY, but in fact, I can't get along with anyone without emotional foundation. In the first five years of separation from him, every day was muddy, life and work were deserted, and I dared not approach anyone who was interested in me. In the face of anyone who cared about me and helped me, there was an inexplicable sense of guilt. In 2003, I had the courage to go out to my family and be accepted. It was very lucky, but happiness was not achieved by hard work, sometimes it was poor of a little luck, sometimes it may be fate. So breaking up was a big blow to me. I denied everything I have.

In the eighth year of breaking up with him, he came to me and talked about his family and life with both sides at that time. When he knew that I had not changed and was alone, he felt guilty. I don't regret it. Of course, I hope everything I give will be rewarded. It's not glorious to get a face full of guilt. I want to give myself an answer, for the belief of love, and for my youth to find a comment, only myself is the most cruel to myself.

Every year on his birthday, I write something about growth, about life, about direction, about lost and gained, and about those days in the sun. Once I thought I had been loved all my life. When I finally realized that love was going to die, he was riding his bicycle and skipping me. I can see him because I have in mind, he can not see me, because fate has broken.

In 2016, after 13 years, we are in the 40-year-old stage. Everything is pursuing plainness, cherishing everything we get, cherishing the life God has given me, although sometimes it feels ridiculous. My wife now knows that I once had a man and that my heart is empty. But she did not put it in her heart, and even repaired my broken heart in her own way, so that I had the courage to love again. This life is enough, no one owes me, I did what I should do, and made all about love...

I'm very grateful.